When Car Sellers Attack!

When Car Sellers Attack!

This all started for a couple of reasons.  First, I wanted a car that my ex-wife and her kid had not been in.  Second, I drove a sedan for the first time in four years, and it handled really nicely compared to my truck.  That particular car, a Honda Accord, was horrendously uncomfortable to sit in, but otherwise impressive.  Third, I sat in an Audi A8.

For all of that, the beginning of the story is set in Mishawaka, Indiana.  My truck had developed a bad leak, and I wanted to get it fixed.  The Toyota dealer in Warsaw quoted me $950 to fix one of the seals (the worse of the two leaks they found) which is quite a lot.  My friend Brian suggested that I call around for quotes, which I did.  I called the dealership where I bought it, Asian Concepts.  They quoted me $700 over the phone, and the deal was done.

I drove my truck up to Mishawaka to drop it off.  While talking to one of the service people, he mentioned that he used to work on the German Concepts side of the business, and that the bills tended to me much lower on the Asian Concepts side.

Before I left, I decided to see what was available on the German side.  As I was walking around the lot, one of the salesmen saw me and came out to say hi.  German Concepts is a dealer I have a long association with.  I’ve bought at least three cars from them, and have referred others to the business.  I have known the salesman Mark for close to 20 years.  In the South Bend area, if you’re interested in used German vehicles, it is the first place you go.  While we were talking, I asked if he could get the key for an Audi A8 that was nearby because I wanted to sit inside it.

I have been fascinated by Audi A8's since they first became available.  They were at the cutting edge of lightweight aluminum technology when they debuted in the late 1990's and are the largest sedan Audi offers.  A8's are luxury cars that are cool.

Mark unlocked the door, and I sat in the Audi.  It was a very nice, and very comfortable place to sit.  I had plenty of leg room and all the controls were perfectly situated.  I was very impressed in the 10 seconds or so that I sat there.

My mind wandered back to that car as I drove home that day, and for the next two weeks.  My truck was in the shop for a week, and when I picked it up, I could not take a second look at the Audi, because somehow they drained the battery on my truck.  I had to drive it for at least half an hour after they jump started it to recharge the battery.  I only had about a quarter tank of gas, and was unenthused about seeing how far down it would go while I drove, and whether I would be anywhere near a gas station when everything sorted itself with the truck.  Impressively, the truck made it all the way back to Warsaw despite the last quarter tank typically burning the fastest.  By the way, the total bill ended up being $3814 because the inside the transfer case, where it was leaking, was destroyed on the inside more than just the seal.  It had to be replaced.  Jump starting the truck also knocked out the use of all but the drivers side front window.  I’ll spend $4k to put air conditioning in my house that runs constantly, but not turn on the air in my truck.

Being a bit angry with my premium Asian vehicle, my interest in that Audi was raised significantly.  I exchanged a few e-mails with the salesman I knew, and on a Wednesday decided to drive up to Osceola and take a test drive.

For a little bit more back story, at this point in August I had worked every single weekend since the beginning of May when I took a weekend off to move house.  That includes holiday weekends.  The only two days off I had were Memorial Day and the 4th of July.  My work day 90%+ of the time is a 12 hour day starting at 3am.  The drive to German Concepts is around an hour because of ridiculous traffic and idiots who don’t know that they should move when the light turns green.

I drove up to the dealership, and my salesman wasn’t there.  No big deal, there was another guy there and I asked if I could test drive the Audi.  He said no, because there was a bad smell to the car and he was going to give it to the service department to fix.  He points out the Volkswagen CC next to the Audi, which is certainly a nice car, but has a 2.0L turbo, not the more robust 4.2L V8 the Audi has.  We walk around the lot a bit, and he asks me what else I might be interested in.  I mention the BMW 7-series, another large, premium German car.  They don’t have any in stock.   Eventually, he points out the section of the lot with cars they have received but not taken through service and cleaning to put on the proper lot.  While we are walking, he focuses on the Mini Cooper they have and mentions it to me.

A Mini!  I had come in asking about the biggest car they had on the lot, and he points out the Mini.  I am taken aback a little bit, and the first thing that comes to my mind is how ridiculous I would look getting out of that car.  Eventually I just leave.

The next day I tell my friends at work about my crazy experience trying to test drive a car.  One of my friends jokes that I would need to put my hand on the ground to steady myself when exiting the car.  I told the story to my friend Sherry, who is familiar with the dealership.  She told me that she had also been to that dealership on the same day, only earlier in the afternoon.  She described the salesman perfectly (he had a very yellow shirt on) and told me that she had asked about the same car.  The salesman had told her that the car was sold!

Now I have two stories about the same car, from the same guy.  It’s not even 7am the day after I attempted to test drive the car.  At around lunch time, I get an e-mail from my salesman.  He had been in New Jersey on Wednesday at an auction.  He asked if I had gotten an opportunity to test drive the Audi.

At this point, I just had to throw my arms up in the air and be done with it.  Actually, I wish that I had.  There was something deep inside of me that was pulling me, though.  I was up to three stories about the same car now.  One, that it was unavailable because of a bad smell.  Two, that it was unavailable because it had been sold.  And three, that it was still available and perfectly fine, waiting on me to test drive it.  I could decline and walk away, or I could drive ANOTHER hour plus back to the dealership to confront them on all of this craziness.  I chose the second option.

At 3pm I texted Mark, my salesman, and told him I would be there in about an hour and set off, once again, for Osceola, Indiana.  When I got there, they were both busy with closing a deal on a car, so I went outside to look at the cars.  While I was outside, I got an email from Mark, sent 20 minutes earlier, saying that the car had gotten a deposit put on it earlier that day, and that he hoped I hadn’t left for the dealership yet.  Now I was up to four stories on the same car.

Eventually Mark came outside and we spoke.  I went through all of the stories I had been given on the car.  Mark did his best to wrap them all together, and even added a fifth, that the car had a mis-fire and needed to go into service for that, too.  It was all too ridiculous for me.  We spoke about their program where they search auctions for a car with your specifications, and then I left.  As I was leaving, I saw the other salesman showing the Audi  to someone else!  They had the hood open and everything.

On Saturday, I had my first day off since July 4th, and my first full weekend off since May.  I visited my stepmother, who is looking better but still in a bad way, then on the spur of the moment (since it was raining) decided to drive to Ft. Wayne to shop Audi A8's.  On the way there, I made a stop for lunch and did a web search on my phone for Audis in Ft. Wayne.  After a lot of scrolling, I found an A8.  It was blue and had just under 100k miles.

I found the dealership and took the car for a test drive.  It was unbelievable.  The difference in dealerships that is.  I called ahead to get directions, and when I arrived there, a salesman came out and asked if I was the one who called.  The Audi was parked in an obvious spot and was already unlocked.  After all the official stuff, we got in the car and took it for a test drive.  It was that easy.  I arrived, and within 10 minutes I was driving the car.  There are a few issues with it that will need addressed.  New A8's start at around $90k and go straight up from there.  This one has had a couple of owners, and has depreciated to a much more affordable level.  With all of that, though, I was incredibly impressed with the car.  It is comfortable, handles well, and the engine is strong.  After some negotiation, I agreed to purchase the car.

The deal was supposed to be wrapped up on Monday, but with the complications of me being in Warsaw working, and them being in Ft. Wayne it was not to be.  My mom helped me quite a bit, coordinating for the car to be checked by a third party.  I had a dentist appointment that day, too, which screwed things up.  Everything got wrapped up, though, from the negotiation to the loan, by a little after 5pm.  All that was left was to pick up the car the next day and give them the check.  I called in to work to see if I could take Tuesday off.  Due to their absolutely ridiculous HR time off rules, I was told that I would essentially be punished if I took time off with such short notice.  Remarkably, that includes sick time, so I actually need to schedule colds at least a full day (24 hours) in advance.  It would have been nice to drive up to Ft. Wayne in the morning and get the deal wrapped up around lunch time, but that was not to be.  I went to bed.

The next morning, I had a text from the salesman at German Concepts.  The buyers who put down the deposit had fallen through, and their car was available again!  I politely declined.

The Queen, The Prince, and the Teddy Bear.

As many of you know, I am recently divorced, and Elena and her son have moved back to Russia.  It is for the better, and I have never been happier in my life than right now.  When they left, I gave them some money to reestablish themselves while she got her business back on its feet, and mailed them all of the most expensive things that they had not been able to pack when they left.

Elena had a bank account, and she took her card with her.  Before and after she left, I told her about the rules of the card, and that since she was going to be overseas, it might be a little more complicated.  After they got there, they had some problems with the card, which I did my best to try to fix.  She can only use it in the way you could a credit card.  That is, she can't withdraw cash from an ATM.  They also set a time limit on the card, because when she left, I thought she would be returning.  Praise the Lord that is not happening!  Anyways, the time limit for international use was some time in June, which I told her.  I also recommended that she use that money to buy groceries and other things so that she would clear the account before the June deadline.

Of course, she ignored all of this information and advice.  My attitude was that despite how badly she had treated me, I would do the honorable thing, which is do what I would want done if our situations were reversed.  That's why I had helped her and given her advice, which she ignored.  She ignored my advice about locking her bicycle when she left it at her various jobs, then was shocked when someone stole the key while it was sitting there, unlocked, with the key in the lock.  That's the one I remember best.

Anyways, a few days ago I got an e-mail from Elena.  Actually, it was from her son Pavel, saying that the card didn't work anymore.  I had anticipated that I might be getting a message such as this, and considered my various options on how to reply.  I could be angry.  They had ignored everything I had told them.  I could try to help them.  That would be pointless.  It's her account.  I can't do anything with someone else's account without their verbal or written permission.  I could do nothing.  That would be no fun.  The option I chose was to reply in the form of a fable, which I will copy below.



The Queen, the Prince, and the Teddy Bear

Once upon a time, there was a teddy bear.  He was lonely, and decided to look for someone to spend his days and nights with.  He searched the whole world, and one day found a beautiful teddy bear in a far away land.  He went and visited her.  He fell in love and invited her to come be with him.  She thought, he is a teddy bear, but he has very large genitals, so I will go with him.

So, with much drama and very large expenses for the teddy bear, she and her son came to the land of the teddy bear.  They were married soon after, and life was good for the teddy bear.

Then one day, the son came to the teddy bear.  He said, “My mother is crying, go be with her.”

The teddy bear went to her, and she was crying.  She asked him, “Am I to cook here?  Am I a slave?”

The teddy bear was confused.  He thought that in a marriage, that responsibility was shared, and thought that if he was working each day, that it was not too much to ask that the one who spent the day at home could do the cooking.

Then the mask came off.  The teddy bear saw that he had not married a teddy bear, he had married a queen!  The queen told the teddy bear that she would cook, but that such things were beneath her royal stature.

Then she told her son, “Don’t listen to this stupid teddy bear.  He knows nothing.  We will take everything of his for ourselves and make him our slave!”

The teddy bear was unaware of their plotting, but understood that things had changed.  He tried to help the queen and the prince, and give them advice on how queens and princes prospered in the land of teddy bears.  They would not listen to the teddy bear, though.  They would laugh and laugh whenever the teddy bear would speak to them.  Of course, they would wait until the teddy bear was away to do so.

But such ill intent can not be hidden.  The queen told the teddy bear.  “You are stupid even in your language.  I can speak your language as a second one better than you do as your first.”  The queen and the prince laughed and laughed at the simple teddy bear and his stupidity.

The prince asked the queen, “Why doesn’t our slave take me from school in his truck?  Why must I go home with the teddy bears?”

The prince also asked, “Why should I sleep in a room for teddy bears, when there is a room for a king occupied by a teddy bear?”

The prince asked, “Why do we live in such a terrible cave?”  He proclaimed, “I am a prince, and will not be satisfied with what this simple teddy bear can offer.  I demand the best, most expensive things.  Why am I not in the most expensive, exclusive private school.  One befitting a wonderful prince like myself?”

The teddy bear could not afford such luxuries, even working 12 hour days collecting honey.  The teddy bear explained this, and the queen and prince laughed and laughed at the teddy bear.  He was so simple.

The queen would not listen to the teddy bear with even the most common sense of topics.  He wanted to help her, but she would do the opposite of whatever the teddy bear would say, because surely he is stupid.  He was only a teddy bear.  When her results would fail, she would get enraged.  Didn’t people understand that she was a queen?  Didn’t they understand that her son was a prince?  Each failure, each lack of acknowledgment only made her angrier.

Unfortunately, the teddy bear was very optimistic.  He thought that the queen and the prince would understand his love and would accept him as he was.  He was blind to the truth.

Finally, the queen declared, “The prince and I shall return to our kingdom before our superior schools begin.  Give us everything we need for our journey, teddy bear.”

The teddy bear did as he was told, and gave the queen as much of his honey as he could give.  He was bearing a very large weight carrying the queen and the prince.  The teddy bear told the queen, we must go to the den of the warlocks.  They will unlock the magic card that holds all of the honey that I have given you.  You must listen to their rules, though.  Their spells will not work any other way.

But the queen did not listen to the teddy bear.  She did not listen to the warlocks.  She laughed and laughed at the stupid teddy bear and the warlocks.  She would not answer to them.  They would answer to the queen!

So, the queen and the prince returned to their kingdom.  Every day, they laughed and laughed, thinking of the stupid teddy bear.  The teddy bear was still concerned about them, though.  He warned them that the warlocks spells did not always work from such a long distance, and that they should stay within the rules that the warlocks gave them.  The teddy bear even gave them advice based on his bad experiences with the warlocks, and how to get honey when their spells didn’t work.

The queen and the prince did not care about what the teddy bear said.  What would a teddy bear know about warlocks?  It was her honey, and she would do with it as she pleased.

Then, one day, the queen sent the prince out with the warlocks magic card to get some honey.  Unfortunately, the warlocks spell did not work, and they could not get any honey!  The prince sent a message to the teddy bear.  “Did you steal our honey?  Why won’t the card of the warlocks do what they said?”

The teddy bear went to the cave of the warlocks.  They could not understand why their spell would not work to produce honey, but said that it could be used to get things commonly traded for honey.  The teddy bear sent a message back to the queen and prince.  He explained that he had no control over the queen’s honey, and told her what the warlocks had said to him.  He also told her how he had gotten around the spell of the warlocks, and warned her that the magic card would not work forever.  He sent this message many times.  He thought, “What if our positions were switched?  How would I want to be treated?”

The queen and the prince read the teddy bear’s words, and they laughed and laughed.  Each time the teddy bear reminded them of the words of the warlocks, they would laugh and laugh.  What does a teddy bear know of warlocks? They will bow to the queen who has the honey.

The teddy bear was now alone.  At first it was very difficult for him, because he thought he was in love with the queen.  As time passed, though, the teddy bear changed.  He found happiness that he hadn’t seen before.  He even noticed that he smiled a lot more than when the queen and prince were with him.  He listened to others who had also married queens.  They described experiences exactly like his, and called it abuse.  He was shocked, but he had to agree.

One day, the teddy bear looked at the calender.  He noticed that it was the month that the warlocks had set to lock the magic card of the queen.  The teddy bear wondered, had the queen and prince finally listened to the teddy bear?  Had they traded all of their honey for other things?  He thought, wouldn’t it be funny if they had completely ignored him?

Then, one Sunday as the teddy bear was toiling collecting honey, he received a message from the queen!  He was surprised to see such a message.  The queen did not communicate with such a stupid teddy bear anymore.

He opened the message.  It was the prince.  “Help!” He said.  “The magic card of the warlocks no longer works!”

The teddy bear read the words, and he laughed and laughed.

The end.