The Queen, The Prince, and the Teddy Bear.

As many of you know, I am recently divorced, and Elena and her son have moved back to Russia.  It is for the better, and I have never been happier in my life than right now.  When they left, I gave them some money to reestablish themselves while she got her business back on its feet, and mailed them all of the most expensive things that they had not been able to pack when they left.

Elena had a bank account, and she took her card with her.  Before and after she left, I told her about the rules of the card, and that since she was going to be overseas, it might be a little more complicated.  After they got there, they had some problems with the card, which I did my best to try to fix.  She can only use it in the way you could a credit card.  That is, she can't withdraw cash from an ATM.  They also set a time limit on the card, because when she left, I thought she would be returning.  Praise the Lord that is not happening!  Anyways, the time limit for international use was some time in June, which I told her.  I also recommended that she use that money to buy groceries and other things so that she would clear the account before the June deadline.

Of course, she ignored all of this information and advice.  My attitude was that despite how badly she had treated me, I would do the honorable thing, which is do what I would want done if our situations were reversed.  That's why I had helped her and given her advice, which she ignored.  She ignored my advice about locking her bicycle when she left it at her various jobs, then was shocked when someone stole the key while it was sitting there, unlocked, with the key in the lock.  That's the one I remember best.

Anyways, a few days ago I got an e-mail from Elena.  Actually, it was from her son Pavel, saying that the card didn't work anymore.  I had anticipated that I might be getting a message such as this, and considered my various options on how to reply.  I could be angry.  They had ignored everything I had told them.  I could try to help them.  That would be pointless.  It's her account.  I can't do anything with someone else's account without their verbal or written permission.  I could do nothing.  That would be no fun.  The option I chose was to reply in the form of a fable, which I will copy below.



The Queen, the Prince, and the Teddy Bear

Once upon a time, there was a teddy bear.  He was lonely, and decided to look for someone to spend his days and nights with.  He searched the whole world, and one day found a beautiful teddy bear in a far away land.  He went and visited her.  He fell in love and invited her to come be with him.  She thought, he is a teddy bear, but he has very large genitals, so I will go with him.

So, with much drama and very large expenses for the teddy bear, she and her son came to the land of the teddy bear.  They were married soon after, and life was good for the teddy bear.

Then one day, the son came to the teddy bear.  He said, “My mother is crying, go be with her.”

The teddy bear went to her, and she was crying.  She asked him, “Am I to cook here?  Am I a slave?”

The teddy bear was confused.  He thought that in a marriage, that responsibility was shared, and thought that if he was working each day, that it was not too much to ask that the one who spent the day at home could do the cooking.

Then the mask came off.  The teddy bear saw that he had not married a teddy bear, he had married a queen!  The queen told the teddy bear that she would cook, but that such things were beneath her royal stature.

Then she told her son, “Don’t listen to this stupid teddy bear.  He knows nothing.  We will take everything of his for ourselves and make him our slave!”

The teddy bear was unaware of their plotting, but understood that things had changed.  He tried to help the queen and the prince, and give them advice on how queens and princes prospered in the land of teddy bears.  They would not listen to the teddy bear, though.  They would laugh and laugh whenever the teddy bear would speak to them.  Of course, they would wait until the teddy bear was away to do so.

But such ill intent can not be hidden.  The queen told the teddy bear.  “You are stupid even in your language.  I can speak your language as a second one better than you do as your first.”  The queen and the prince laughed and laughed at the simple teddy bear and his stupidity.

The prince asked the queen, “Why doesn’t our slave take me from school in his truck?  Why must I go home with the teddy bears?”

The prince also asked, “Why should I sleep in a room for teddy bears, when there is a room for a king occupied by a teddy bear?”

The prince asked, “Why do we live in such a terrible cave?”  He proclaimed, “I am a prince, and will not be satisfied with what this simple teddy bear can offer.  I demand the best, most expensive things.  Why am I not in the most expensive, exclusive private school.  One befitting a wonderful prince like myself?”

The teddy bear could not afford such luxuries, even working 12 hour days collecting honey.  The teddy bear explained this, and the queen and prince laughed and laughed at the teddy bear.  He was so simple.

The queen would not listen to the teddy bear with even the most common sense of topics.  He wanted to help her, but she would do the opposite of whatever the teddy bear would say, because surely he is stupid.  He was only a teddy bear.  When her results would fail, she would get enraged.  Didn’t people understand that she was a queen?  Didn’t they understand that her son was a prince?  Each failure, each lack of acknowledgment only made her angrier.

Unfortunately, the teddy bear was very optimistic.  He thought that the queen and the prince would understand his love and would accept him as he was.  He was blind to the truth.

Finally, the queen declared, “The prince and I shall return to our kingdom before our superior schools begin.  Give us everything we need for our journey, teddy bear.”

The teddy bear did as he was told, and gave the queen as much of his honey as he could give.  He was bearing a very large weight carrying the queen and the prince.  The teddy bear told the queen, we must go to the den of the warlocks.  They will unlock the magic card that holds all of the honey that I have given you.  You must listen to their rules, though.  Their spells will not work any other way.

But the queen did not listen to the teddy bear.  She did not listen to the warlocks.  She laughed and laughed at the stupid teddy bear and the warlocks.  She would not answer to them.  They would answer to the queen!

So, the queen and the prince returned to their kingdom.  Every day, they laughed and laughed, thinking of the stupid teddy bear.  The teddy bear was still concerned about them, though.  He warned them that the warlocks spells did not always work from such a long distance, and that they should stay within the rules that the warlocks gave them.  The teddy bear even gave them advice based on his bad experiences with the warlocks, and how to get honey when their spells didn’t work.

The queen and the prince did not care about what the teddy bear said.  What would a teddy bear know about warlocks?  It was her honey, and she would do with it as she pleased.

Then, one day, the queen sent the prince out with the warlocks magic card to get some honey.  Unfortunately, the warlocks spell did not work, and they could not get any honey!  The prince sent a message to the teddy bear.  “Did you steal our honey?  Why won’t the card of the warlocks do what they said?”

The teddy bear went to the cave of the warlocks.  They could not understand why their spell would not work to produce honey, but said that it could be used to get things commonly traded for honey.  The teddy bear sent a message back to the queen and prince.  He explained that he had no control over the queen’s honey, and told her what the warlocks had said to him.  He also told her how he had gotten around the spell of the warlocks, and warned her that the magic card would not work forever.  He sent this message many times.  He thought, “What if our positions were switched?  How would I want to be treated?”

The queen and the prince read the teddy bear’s words, and they laughed and laughed.  Each time the teddy bear reminded them of the words of the warlocks, they would laugh and laugh.  What does a teddy bear know of warlocks? They will bow to the queen who has the honey.

The teddy bear was now alone.  At first it was very difficult for him, because he thought he was in love with the queen.  As time passed, though, the teddy bear changed.  He found happiness that he hadn’t seen before.  He even noticed that he smiled a lot more than when the queen and prince were with him.  He listened to others who had also married queens.  They described experiences exactly like his, and called it abuse.  He was shocked, but he had to agree.

One day, the teddy bear looked at the calender.  He noticed that it was the month that the warlocks had set to lock the magic card of the queen.  The teddy bear wondered, had the queen and prince finally listened to the teddy bear?  Had they traded all of their honey for other things?  He thought, wouldn’t it be funny if they had completely ignored him?

Then, one Sunday as the teddy bear was toiling collecting honey, he received a message from the queen!  He was surprised to see such a message.  The queen did not communicate with such a stupid teddy bear anymore.

He opened the message.  It was the prince.  “Help!” He said.  “The magic card of the warlocks no longer works!”

The teddy bear read the words, and he laughed and laughed.

The end.